||[28 Jun 2005|09:46pm]
the nite after my last entry, david beat me up.
for at least 15 minutes.
he told me how he would kill me.
i was nearly unconcious for some of it.
he threw me out of the house by the hair and by twisting my arm behind my back.
i crawled to my neighbor's house after crying on my door step for a few minutes.
Daren answered the door in his boxers, i was covered in tears and blood.
he told me he had thought about calling the police when he could hear us fighting.
he's from ireland, and didn't know what the norm was for the U.S.
he also has a lisp.
i called the police.
David gave me bruieses all over my body, a split head, a cut toe, a concussion, and a misscariage.
and i was sore for days.
it took nearly a month for the worst bruise to go away.
David was drunk during the whole thing.
he's now in AA and counsling.
at first he told the police that i didn't live with him, and that i attacked him first.
he later pled guilty.
i'm still dealing with all this.
it's hard, because i told my recruiter that i would not seek counsling, because if i did,
it would take longer to get me into the air force.
and i don't really have anyone to talk to about it that understands where i'm coming from.
but now i'm hanging out with mike and micah a whole bunch.
it's really nice with them.
the only problem is that i've had a crush on Mike since high school.
i would dare say i've loved him since high school.
when i'm around him, it feels like those times again.
i wish he was not having a child with cheveon.
she's an idiot.
a lucky idiot, but an idiot none the less.
i need to be by myself.
but i can't do it.
i allow myself to seek out and find solace in men's arms.
when it was men's bodies that ruined me.
||[06 May 2005|11:20am]
i made my layout all by myself. i rule.